Going home...
Left the Bronx this morning, after spending a blurry weekend in NYC. Jana drove Erik and I to Penn station at 6:30am for the final leg of our journey, so we've been on the train approximately 9 hours and we are currently waiting at customs about 2 hours from Montreal.
I really enjoyed new York. I always do. It was nice to walk around and sightsee on Friday with Erik, who'd never been before. We went to a hilarious/delicious Korean restaurant in Koreatown called kun jip. Most organized restaurant ever. Took our order while we were still waiting in line for a table. Delicious galbi. Then, feeling loose from the soju, went to see Jana perform improv at the Magnet Theatre in midtown Manhattan. Jana and I did theater together in university and she is an absolute joy onstage and off. The reunion is always exciting for me and every time I see her, Minnie or Kirsten my heart sings. Well, turns out my throat sings too, we ended up at saxophone karaoke, and Erik and I sang 'all my loving' by the Beatles, while everyone else and their broadway voices sang to Alicia Keys, gaga, Katy perry, etc.
Come 5am, we realize this probably isn't the best idea considering our jet lag, and I spent all of Saturday reconsidering my Friday. We went for fabulous brunch ( hello grits!) and a much needed bloody mary and then we were supposed to play at the end of a music festival in Brooklyn called hillstock, which unfortunately for Erik and I turned into what I will forever refer to as 'hellstock'. Long story short we didn't play and left there feeling pretty embarrassed and deflated, but I did catch a set by a band called 'Swear and Shake' that was enviably beautiful. It happens to me from time to time (more often than I like to admit) when I'll be affected so profoundly by a show and think to myself "how can I get there? Get better than I am now?" and while that feels a little strange, ultimately it's inspiring and keeps me aligned with what I want the future to look like.
All in all yesterday wasn't a perfect day, but it ended with truffle macaroni and cheese at woodworks in Brooklyn and the Canucks winning game 2 of the Stanley cup. Not all was lost.
I've enjoyed the quiet of this train today. Reading Benjamin Franklin's autobiography, shedding a couple tears to Sarah harmer's introspections on the "I'm a Mountain" album and trying to make sense of the whirlwind of the last 5 weeks...
It's been up and down but I've learned a few things, the first being that I have the most beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, soulful friends a girl could ever dream for. Their generosity and kindness and compassion blows me away. I am who I am because of them. . It's in Kirsten's hospitality, wit, and attention to detail. In Minnie's energy and sense of humor and insight. In Jana's sensible wry-ness, clarity and gentleness, and Abby's open hearted-ness, focus and curiosity. From these friends I gain so more much strength than I have on my own and my gratitude for them brings me to tears.
I've also missed my cats deeply. My heart longing for Grace on a near daily basis. And realizing that the only thing bringing my heart back to Montreal are them, as well as my dear friends, my sisters and brothers in Montreal, My band, yoga and for the next two months my job.
I see where I've been and on this trip many a light was shed on places where I need to heal. To be honest, it's been a painful trip in ways; I've got a lot of work ahead. But in learning from my friends near and far, there is growth. My goal now is to stay with the intention of learning how to love ( myself and others) unconditionally, instead of trying to be in control, Hope I don't blow it.
