and that's a wrap

Going home...

Left the Bronx this morning, after spending a blurry weekend in NYC.  Jana drove Erik and I to Penn station at 6:30am for the final leg of our journey, so we've been on the train approximately 9 hours and we are currently waiting at customs about 2 hours from Montreal.
I really enjoyed new York. I always do.  It was nice to walk around and sightsee on Friday with Erik, who'd never been before. We went to a hilarious/delicious Korean restaurant in Koreatown called kun jip.  Most organized restaurant ever.  Took our order while we were still waiting in line for a table. Delicious galbi.  Then, feeling loose from the soju, went to see Jana perform improv at the Magnet Theatre in midtown Manhattan.  Jana and I did theater together in university and she is an absolute joy onstage and off.   The reunion is always exciting for me and every time I see her, Minnie or Kirsten my heart sings.  Well, turns out my throat sings too, we ended up at saxophone karaoke, and Erik and I sang 'all my loving' by the Beatles, while everyone else and their broadway voices sang to Alicia Keys, gaga, Katy perry, etc.
Come 5am, we realize this probably isn't the best idea considering our jet lag, and I spent all of Saturday reconsidering my Friday.  We went for fabulous brunch ( hello grits!) and a much needed bloody mary and then we were supposed to play at the end of a music festival in Brooklyn called hillstock, which unfortunately for Erik and I turned into what I will forever refer to as 'hellstock'. Long story short we didn't play and left there feeling pretty embarrassed and deflated, but I did catch a set by a band called 'Swear and Shake' that was enviably beautiful. It happens to me from time to time (more often than I like to admit) when I'll be affected so profoundly by a show and think to myself "how can I get there? Get better than I am now?" and while that feels a little strange,  ultimately it's inspiring and keeps me aligned with what I want the future to look like.
All in all yesterday wasn't a perfect day, but it ended with truffle macaroni and cheese at woodworks in Brooklyn and the Canucks winning game 2 of the Stanley cup.  Not all was lost.
I've enjoyed the quiet of this train today. Reading Benjamin Franklin's autobiography, shedding a couple tears to Sarah harmer's introspections on the "I'm a Mountain" album and trying to make sense of the whirlwind of the last 5 weeks...

It's been up and down but I've learned a few things, the first being that I have the most beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, soulful friends a girl could ever dream for.  Their generosity and kindness and compassion blows me away.  I am who I am because of them.  . It's in  Kirsten's hospitality, wit, and attention to detail.  In Minnie's energy and sense of humor and insight.  In Jana's sensible wry-ness, clarity and gentleness, and Abby's open hearted-ness, focus and curiosity.   From these friends I gain so more much strength than I have on my own and my gratitude for them brings me to tears.

I've also missed my cats deeply.  My heart longing for Grace on a near daily basis.  And realizing that the only thing bringing my heart back to Montreal are them, as well as my dear friends, my sisters and brothers in Montreal, My band, yoga and for the next two months my job.

I see where I've been and on this trip many a light was shed on places where I need to heal. To be honest, it's been a painful trip in ways;  I've got a lot of work ahead. But in learning from my friends near and far, there is growth.  My goal now is to stay with the intention of learning  how to love ( myself and others) unconditionally,  instead of trying to be in control, Hope I don't blow it.

That's what friends are for...

.
Friday morning we woke up at Kirsten and Chris' house in Newburg, Oregon and Kirsten was preparing a delicious b-fast of huevos rancheros.  Heavenly!!!!
It was a nice hot sunny day and Erik and I practiced our set outside.  I got a bit of a tan (ok burn) on one of my shoulders.  That evening as groups of people began arriving for the show,  I wondered if anyone would like our folky, quirky music.  There was a supportive energy while we played.  Then we hooked up a karaoke machine and sang until 3am.    Kirsten was a fabulous host and i love her so!  Unfortunately I can't say the same about her dog.   I tried to love him and snuggle with him and give him bits of chicken and belly rubs and out of nowhere, he bit my nose.  Leaving scratchy, bloody marks.  Clearly there is not a supportive energy between us two, but it was so good to see kir!   We rented a car ($10 a day, ask me how!) and we stayed in eugene, Oregon from the 21-24 may.
Going to Eugene means getting to have all my most favorite foods!
I finally got to have the infamous pad Thai from bangkok grill at the saturday market. It had been 8 years since I'd last had it and I was excited for Erik to try it and it did not disappoint. Best pad Thai ever. Perfectly cooked rice noodles, pickled radish and sprinkled peanuts combine to make the #1 top dish my life has ever known. It's a bold but true statement.    We stayed at my dad's place and he has all sorts of safety rules and routines...... I'm not use to living a life like that anymore.  he does it because he wants everyone to be safe and to prevent bad things from happening, which is sweet, but also was a reminder to me that i don't want to live my life worrying about what might happen.  (even though I do...). So, I felt rather stressed out and summoned up massive amounts of resistance...

In order to catch our flight to los Angeles we had  to get up at the ungodly hour of 3:30 am. That should be a crime, btw.  But we got here yesterday and it is amazing.  I'm feeling more relaxed and it's sunny! Feels like I've been waiting for 8 months to feel the sun again (oh wait, that's real).  we are eating delicious food,  and I get to see my BFF Minnie and her hilarious boyfriend, Dan.
We are here for a week have 3 shows in a row starting tomorrow.  It sooo beautiful here and I got to walk by bob barkers old house.
There are so many coconut and watermelon treats and I feel like this part of the trip is going to be very healing.

Goodbye Canada, hello USA

Driving to the ferry, it's 5:30am and the moon, its edge just barely receding from this month's fullness, is hovering just a dangle above the massive tree covered mountains that surround us in all direction.  And with the sun just beginning to rise over the treetops to the east, the trees on the mountains to the west are waking up, glowing a dusty rose color so enchanting, but so passing, that I spend as long as I can looking at it, soaking it up, till finally the moment has passed. 

It's hard to leave here.  I tried to take a snapshot of it as we were driving away from Ladysmith, but at times, in these moments, the photo doesn't compare to the living, passing moment of it and it's just meant to be enjoyed, in person and then in, I suppose, our own twisting memories. 

It's hard to leave Vancouver Island just as the wisteria and lilacs are starting to pop and fill the air with their sweet aromas.  Such a beautiful area filled with dogwood and cherry trees and of course the calming view of the ocean. 

I sat cross-legged on the edge of the beach yesterday, the georgia straight, and  being slightly more new-agey than is typical, I did a breathing meditation, with  a sunstone in one hand and a light green tinged stone I can't pronounce in the other hand and sent as much love and gratitude into the wind as I could.  Dawn Bramadat, whom is as close to a spiritual teacher as I've ever gotten, tends to find me during these moments and before long I was quietly singing 'there's only one river , there's only one sea'. 

Yea, it's cheesy, in retrospect, but it's the same as trying to take a picture of nature.  It can never quite capture the feeling of being there in that passing, living moment. 

We are on the ferry now and I'm drinking a Starbucks coffee (which bc ferries now proudly offer) and when we get to Vancouver we will be taking a bus to Seattle and then a train to Portland, Oregon.  My favourite state. And I'll be staying with my theater sister, and BFF at large Kirsten. 
Let the reunion begin!

shows and Vinyasa flow

Well, the first leg of our tour is almost up!
We played 3 very different, unique shows this weekend.  Each one was special in its own way.  On Thursday I got to meet Arlen, who drums in Wolf Parade.  He came out to our show because he and Erik played hockey together in Montreal and now he has a recording studio in Victoria.  Our performance that night was... nervous.  We hadn't played as a duo on stage for a while and it took us about half the set to find our stage legs.
Friday, we played for e's parents, sister, niece, aunts, uncles, cousins,  friends....   I felt much more comfortable onstage and not nearly as nervous as I thought I would.. but I think erik was feeling it.  We had adjusted our set a bit from the night before and we played really well.   I rented a Korg keyboard from a music shop in Nanaimo, $25 for 5 days... it made for a great addition to the set.
On Saturday we played at the Duncan Garage Showroom which we'd heard was a really neat place and turns out, it's true!  Owned and operated by a congenial man named Longevity John.  He had trinkets and doodads everywhere.  Including a book on How to Train and Raise a Skunk. There was also a lifesize paper mache version of himself wearing a sweatband.   Our performance felt good and open and there was someone doing video, so hopefully I'll be able to post something soon.
and now... I'm off to try a Moksha Yoga class in Nanaimo.  I'm craving the feeling of grounding my feet into the yoga mat, craving the feeling of sweat, deep breathing and enjoying the sensation of my heart pounding.

Sweet grass

It's a sunny-ish day here on Vancouver island and we're driving over the Matterhorn on our way south to Victoria. West coast is tasting sooo green and luscious. We drove through a little valley and there was a wafting cloud of smoke ahead.  As we drove through it the car was filled with the warm scent of burning cedar. And now, miles away it's still filling my nose.  

Tonight is our first in a string of shows.  We've Been practicing and we rented a korg and I've got my ukulele to accompany Erik.  May today lead into tonight joyfully, with open hearts and collective smiles. 

checks and balances

Balance. Something I haven't had since about 1984.

As a competitive gymnast for the early half of my teenage years, I was pretty good on the balance beam and up in the closet I have a box full of first place medals and ornate ribbons. I wanted control and mastery over my body and what I was able to do with it.  The more I worked on this control, the more competitions I won; But for as much as I tried to control the flips and twists of my outer world, the more chaotic and out of control I felt on the inside.

(as an aside, the semi-colon is the most feared punctuation on earth)

I have much to learn here still, my soul feels young. (Not in terms of punctuation, but of spirit). You know when you meet someone and sense, without a doubt, that this person has done this before and learned a thing or three? As much as it creates discomfort to realize how little I know, it is comforting to feel like I am being led by these beautiful people towards a version of myself that, in the future, might not feel so unbalanced.

I started this blog with the intention of it being a words and pictures log of the Sciencefiction shows and our travels and experiences. I think as we get deeper into the month and head South it will do so. But this is part of the journey too. To take the time to reflect. What does it look like right here, right now? How is this different from before and where is there still to explore?

I know this: while my jaw is as tight and sore as ever...my heart and my breath aren't. Going South (internally as much as geographically) feels like a part of the process of this fantastic adventure.

I was cranky this early afternoon because_______(fill in the blank). I can admit it, on any given day I can find a goodie bag of assorted items to complain about. (Today: I didn't eat lunch until 3pm; I had to mail off a "not guilty" plea for a traffic ticket I got for my birthday; Cranky because I'm not as good with words as I'd like to be, etc), but as I sit across from Erik and stare into his eyes that shine a liquid, nighttime bluei think how it's sort of for him, as well as for myself, that I want balance and harmony.  He inspires me to find more peace.

There's a little part in every one of us, that would like to change the world, or at least a little piece of it.  I think i'll start by drinking more water, eating more fresh vegetables. I want to make time for a little bit of yoga everyday because I feel like yoga is one of those new friends in my life with an old soul and much to teach. I'll allow myself (or maybe, at first, force myself) to notice and experience the beauty in everything that is around us. There is endless beauty in this buzzing world as it whizzes by.

a little bit of history

Yesterday was a chilled, misty grey west coast day and Erik wanted to drop off posters and signed artist consent forms (serious is the music business!) at The Dancing Bean in Chemainus where we'll be performing next Friday.  Chemainus is one town over from Ladysmith and the birthplace of Erik's Mom and, i believe, his Grandmother.  It's a seaside town snuggled in between a mountain range and the ocean. In the late 1800's employed locals in the mining, forestry and fishing industries, and now is a renowned tourist attraction as a result of the hand painted murals peppered throughout the town.

So... erik and I walked around and took some photos... they are really beautiful pieces of art.  (Click on the photo to enlarge and see in better detail)

The man in the gold suit with the (according to Erik) "indie haircut" is, believe it or not, his Great-Grandfather, who was a longshoreman. When I asked Erik which one was his gramps he said "the one in the hat".



 and there's these guys ^^



Erik hanging out with his great grandmother who used to work for the telephone company!

we found a bench named after one Mr. Cudmore... we decided this was him.

in this one a woman gets a letter from the army. 

if you look a liittttle bit closer to this old-fashioned scene:

it seems the painter^^ has gone ahead and painted himself in!

Just a regular guy with some paint cans and a moustache.



you never know where a latte will lead you...

It's Friday, normally my second favorite day of the week in Montreal but this is Ladysmith, May 2011 and for the next month every single day is the weekend.

The grand virtanen and I are at In the Beantime, a local cafe on High Street that reminds me of the ones I discovered at 16 in Oregon when cafes started being cool.

In Eugene, Oregon it was the now defunct Cafe Paradiso, located in the pedestrian mall "downtown" at Olive and Broadway, where I tasted not only my first vanilla latte but also had my first sip of an open mic.

I played guitar throughout University, freshman year spending hours downstairs with my Spiller Hall dorm mate, Brian, who knew how to perfectly play every note to every single song of my absolute favorite band at the time.  He played guitar with an elegance and beauty that I'd never seen in a man before. That was a discovery for me. I saw gentleness there. A quality that I've (subconsciously) long sought after. And in that gentleness there was an ease in connecting musically, and emotionally, with someone.  (In retrospect, there was something about Brian, though we were never romantic, that painted a picture in my heart of the kind of man I might want in my life.  The feelings that the music mutually built up in us, is something I've longed to share over and over with people).

I had that buzzy feeling for music repeatedly (if you could only see how much air guitar was played to Boston's first album)  until I graduated with a B.A. in theater arts.
Having zero ambition for anything other than creating and performing,  (combined with the harsh realization that i am a terrible, terrible actor),  i decided to start writing songs.

At 22, death hit home, and life hit me straight in the gut and I felt anxious and deflated. Carrying a mixture of loss and longing,  I went to my first open mic. I was sweating and my heart was pounding and I needed Xanax to curb the panic attacks that had grown quite fond of me that year. I felt more vulnerable in a few months time, than I have in all the others years combined.  Something outside was leading me, and music felt like one of the few things I still trusted in. (That and Smartfood popcorn, anyway..). I felt that if anything could pull me out of these messy feelings, it could be music. I got onstage one quiet tuesday night at Cafe Paradiso, my friend Allison by my side, played shyly, self-consciously, but also, I think, honestly.
Since then, songs continue, somehow, to take me where I need to go.  To connect musically and spiritually, with wonderful, gentle people.
Maybe I'm becoming a little more gentle too....

om.

Morning 2: Wake up. Have Coffee, enjoy view.

 

 

Erik spent the morning sending out more press releases and I wrote my daily upon waking writings, and learned all the major and minor chords on my ukulele.

 

 

ScienceFiction's album was reviewed by Loraine Carpenter this morning.

review

It's a partly sunny, partly cloudy kind of day that is synonymous with a  west coast spring.  We walked up Simon Street to Malone Road to visit Erik's grandma Hilkka. It's her 86th birthday today.  Her granddaughter brought over her 9 month old twins.  They had arms like popeye. The Cutest baby chubby flubbs of maybe all time.

This is what the next two weeks will be like.

I find erik and i are asking ourselves questions like what's the best kind of natural toothpaste to buy?
It's 9pm should we read in bed?
And most importantly: How many of my favorite Eugene, Oregon eateries can we possibly fit into 3 days when we get there?

All I know is that if the $3.25 (8 years ago) pad thai from Bangkok grill at the Saturday market is as good I remember it, I will: ( fill it what you would do if you had your favorite thing ever in the whole world)

to Ladysmith...and beyond!

The last few days in Montreal were spent in preparations for our tourcation (half  tour, half vacation) and in scrubbing the dirty out of our apartment. Why is it you start to see how grimy your place is, only when someone else is about to be living in it? (I found a hair in the freezer!) (why do moths go to die in a dish rack?)

A friend of the family (<<I like saying that), Simon, is getting a taste of freedom:  living parents-free, rent-free and as close as one can live to la Banquise in exchange for taking care of the kitties. 
When he came over, I asked him if he knew how to use a record player....as I was showing him, thinking how cool this must be for him, I realized how uncool he must think I am listening to Van Morrison.

Erik and I packed the night before (partly because our last trip we woke up 15 minutes before we were supposed to be at the 30-minutes-away- airport). Pretty uneventful flights, except waking up with my shoulder on the guy who wasn't Erik.

The last year has been good to us. Filled with writings, recordings, mixings, masterings, album launches, tour planning and I know we are both thinking...could we do this full time?! This is the life I imagine for myself at 25. Took a bit longer to get here but at 32 I'm realizing that things happen when they are meant to, and not necessarily at all when we want them to.

Now here we are on the west coast. The only place in north America where Erik and I feel we can truly relax. The endless Montreal to do list has transformed into a Ladysmith to do not list. Erik's lovely sister, Lizzie, picked us up and we spent the evening with her, Erik's parent's and 3 year old Maya, who we took the beach as the sun was going down. I love how within hours the whole world can change. There we were walking down the path to transfer beach with Bert (cutest cocker ever), and Maya is picking flowers and telling us "I like doughnuts!". I replied "I like turtles!" and she said "noh, I'm talking about food only"

last week in Montreal we had Erik's album launch at our house in the company of our friends. I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary, but as Erik started playing his set in our living room, the space got soft and warm and electric, filled with an energy so peaceful and joyful and connected that I'm still buzzing from it. Who needs alcohol when you have all. This.

This is my first blog and I have no specific aim or theme. It's as new to me as this tour is, as being in love is, as letting go is. It will be an exercise in authenticity and an attempt at unredundency, which wasn't a real word prior to now.  Erik read this entry this morning and said "Now when something happens I am going to wonder if Tasha's going to write it in her blog"  .... and yes, that's probably right!

Here's to the openness and the tranquility and adventure of days to come....

Friday, I'm in love

I played this song for my boyfriend last night when he got home and he said, She should send it to Grey's Anatomy.  "That's where I heard it!" I said to him.  He chortled, perhaps snarkily, but if I were going to leave him for a woman, it'd be for Brandi Carlile:

words that make sense...



You might recognize that from The Velveteen Rabbit. Doesn't it melt your heart?

music for your mood: Ray LaMontagne

I had a handful of potential blog names before this became the lemon letter, and one of them was ex-pessimist. As much as i wish it were true, sometimes, i admit, i am still a pessimist.  Nothing helps like a song that can put your heart into words.

well, hi !

Hi and Hello !

Coming up with a blog title is about as challenging as thinking of a band name.  Doesn't it seem everything in this world is already taken ?  I desperately wanted to be the lemon fog, but quickly discovered they are already a Houston based quintet.

So here i am, the lemon letter.  and i want life to be just as beautiful as it can be.
Welcome.