checks and balances

Balance. Something I haven't had since about 1984.

As a competitive gymnast for the early half of my teenage years, I was pretty good on the balance beam and up in the closet I have a box full of first place medals and ornate ribbons. I wanted control and mastery over my body and what I was able to do with it.  The more I worked on this control, the more competitions I won; But for as much as I tried to control the flips and twists of my outer world, the more chaotic and out of control I felt on the inside.

(as an aside, the semi-colon is the most feared punctuation on earth)

I have much to learn here still, my soul feels young. (Not in terms of punctuation, but of spirit). You know when you meet someone and sense, without a doubt, that this person has done this before and learned a thing or three? As much as it creates discomfort to realize how little I know, it is comforting to feel like I am being led by these beautiful people towards a version of myself that, in the future, might not feel so unbalanced.

I started this blog with the intention of it being a words and pictures log of the Sciencefiction shows and our travels and experiences. I think as we get deeper into the month and head South it will do so. But this is part of the journey too. To take the time to reflect. What does it look like right here, right now? How is this different from before and where is there still to explore?

I know this: while my jaw is as tight and sore as ever...my heart and my breath aren't. Going South (internally as much as geographically) feels like a part of the process of this fantastic adventure.

I was cranky this early afternoon because_______(fill in the blank). I can admit it, on any given day I can find a goodie bag of assorted items to complain about. (Today: I didn't eat lunch until 3pm; I had to mail off a "not guilty" plea for a traffic ticket I got for my birthday; Cranky because I'm not as good with words as I'd like to be, etc), but as I sit across from Erik and stare into his eyes that shine a liquid, nighttime bluei think how it's sort of for him, as well as for myself, that I want balance and harmony.  He inspires me to find more peace.

There's a little part in every one of us, that would like to change the world, or at least a little piece of it.  I think i'll start by drinking more water, eating more fresh vegetables. I want to make time for a little bit of yoga everyday because I feel like yoga is one of those new friends in my life with an old soul and much to teach. I'll allow myself (or maybe, at first, force myself) to notice and experience the beauty in everything that is around us. There is endless beauty in this buzzing world as it whizzes by.